Guilty and working on it (Need suggestions!)

I am was a smoker, up until 3 days ago.

Yes, if you remember correctly, I am 24 weeks pregnant. If you do the math, I have smoked this entire pregnancy since before I found out.

Two days ago I woke up and realized exactly what I am doing to baby Olivia. I feel awful. I broke down and cried, promising her that I wouldn't do it again.And I haven't.

It's a constant struggle. I always have to catch myself before I blurt out "I need a cigarette". I don't NEED one. I just want it and that's not enough anymore.

When I found out I was pregnant with Stella, I quit cold turkey. The second that pee hit the stick and lines lit up, I knew I was done. I didn't even have a second thought about it.

I don't know why it has been so hard this time around. My husband thinks it's because I don't care as much. I don't think that's the reason but I won't rule it out all together. It just feels different this time. Maybe it's because we planned for it but my heart wasn't fully into it.

We only tried for 2 weeks before I was pregnant. I know I shouldn't complain and there are thousands that are constantly struggling but I really wanted Stella to be a little older. I don't want to take away my love for my baby Stella and share it with another new baby...

Stella was an accident (birth control and antibiotics do not mix) but she was my first baby I ever carried past 12 weeks. She honestly is a miracle in itself. I remember feeling her first flutters and knowing exactly in my heart that she was going to be mine and I was hers. I can't even explain the feelings I felt. It was so much more than love.

When she was born, I cried. I was so happy over joyed. Here was my miracle baby with a headful of dark brown hair and these big brown eyes. How could I  not love her?

Year isn't right. She was born in 2010, oh and on 9/13, not 9/11.

Maybe I need to bury myself in baby things.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to gear up for another little one??